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7 Ways to Let Go of a Past Relationship So You Can MOVE ON with Your Life…

18 July 2011 No Comment

couple kissing and thinking

I was talking with an old friend yesterday, and he told me that AS SOON as he learned his ex-girlfriend was moving out of town, he met another amazing girl who seems like relationship material.



For some reason, even though they’ve been apart for several years – and even though he’s been dating and enjoying the single life – he’s had trouble finding someone he could really bond and connect with.



But what are the odds of that??? The second his ex leaves town, he just “happens” to meet somebody else remarkable. Did this new-girl just pop up out of nowhere? Did a cosmic black hole open up down the block from him to unleash her coincidentally?






Of course not…he just took notice of the new girl because he moved on psychologically. Something about the ex-girlfriend leaving gave his subconscious “permission” to move on, and so he opened his eyes to new possibilities.



We talked about this, and I can definitely relate: I’ve had to throw away letters, erase thoughtful emails and delete naughty home-made videos to get past my ex’s and “open up the space” (because I love hard).




7 Actual Tips for Moving On & Opening the Space:

african american woman meditatingWhat’s more interesting is that just the day before, another friend of mine sent me a link called 40 Ways to Let Go & Feel Less Pain, from a blog calledTiny Buddha, which talked about this same idea.



It built on everything from relationships to stress and anger (you can catch the full article here), but here’s a few of the relationship ones with my additional commentary:



1: Identify What The Experience Taught You to help develop a sense of closure.


I’m glad this one comes first, because to me, it’s the most important. One of the biggest keys is to realize that relationships exist to help us grow as individuals, and I think the more a couple can identify with this approach (regardless of whether they stay together or not) the more they’re on the right track. See the book Building Your Mate’s Self-Esteem for more.



2: Write Everything You Want to Express in a Letter, because even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings helps you come to terms with reality as it is now.


…I’ve done this A LOT myself. It may feel kind of corny, but since the lines of communication aren’t always there after a breakup like they should be, being able to express yourself helps you feel “okay” as a person…it helps you stay sane.






3: Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”



4. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on…



5. Visualize an empowered single you — the person you were BEFORE meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.



6. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.



7. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it: “Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment…”



Peace,
+B



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