Affirmations AREN’T Working For Me…What am I Doing Wrong??? (Here’s The Top 3 Most Common Mistakes)
I remember getting a business consultation a while back, where when I mentioned that I provide guided meditation and affirmation programs through my site, the guy said:
“Oh yeah? That’s funny – I read a statistic the other day that said most people who use affirmations are more depressed then the average person.”
And this got me thinking, “You know what? He’s probably right: most people who try this affirmation thing probably are more depressed then the average person, because (just like most people who start businesses, try to lose weight or do anything else constructive) THEY’RE PROBABLY GOING ABOUT IT ALL WRONG.
So if you find yourself having trouble with any affirmation-related practice, first make sure none of the following apply, because these are the top 3 common mistakes I find people making ALL THE TIME:
Mistake #1: Being Unrealistic or “Too Positive”
If you feel like a loser, saying “I’m a winner, I’m a winner, I’m a winner…” is NOT going to work, cause if you’re in a bad mood, you won’t feel like saying it, and even if you’re in an okay mood, just saying that’ll make you more aware of how you actually feel on a general basis…
Likewise, if you’re 200 pounds overweight, saying “I have a slim and healthy body…” just isn’t going to cut it, because you’ll know you’re lying to yourself.
Instead, someone who feels like a failure should try statements like “I forgive myself for not getting things done…” and someone with with weight concerns might try “I know and believe in the value of being a healthy person…”
That’s why the program I mentioned earlier uses both “affirming” and “releasing” statements: some affirmations focus on moving you towards where you want to be, and others solely on getting you away from where you presently are.
Some key phrases for RELEASING (before you try to install anything crazy) are: “I forgive myself for…”, “I’ve now let go of…”, and “It’s okay for me to…” The key here is to go at your own pace: since you know where you’re at better than anyone else, take your time to gradually nudge yourself in the right direction.
Mistake #2: Being Too Verbose or Not Hitting the Point
I remember this e-mail newsletter for Sovereignty (Law and Civics lessons, basically) I was on a few years back where they sent out an affirmation list called “Cosmic Trigger Enlightenment” with statements like:
“I AM CRYSTAL STAR SEED AND I MERGE IN ONENESS IN THE UNIFIED FIELD OF DIVINITY WITH THE CRYSTAL EARTH AND CRYSTALLINE COSMOS…”
Remember, affirmations are meant to re-pattern something that happens below your awareness: they work to change how you think, feel and act BECAUSE how you think, feel and act is governed by subconscious processes…things like self-image, identity, beliefs, perception and habits of thought.
Now here’s the secret: your subconscious mind IS NOT concerned with stars and galaxies…it’s concerned with your fears, pains, guilts and frustrations. Your subconscious mind doesn’t think, “I’m a star-seed child,” it thinks: “I’ll always be poor…”, “Women always reject me…”, “I have no self-control with food…” and so on.
In short, it’s the hidden, self-limiting beliefs that effect you in a direct and emotional way…it’s the stuff that makes you go, “How am I going to make rent on time?,” “Is my girlfriend going to dump me?” or “Will I ever have be healthy and functional again???”
THEREFORE, affirmations tend to work best when they’re focused on things like dissolving anxiety, gaining freedom from depression, building real self-esteem, releasing your fear of failure or developing unstoppable motivation. Those are really the key areas, so instead of “Cosmic Triggers,” try:
>> “I transcend all jealousy of those who have more then I do…”
>> “I alone am responsible for both my failures and successes…”
>> “It’s easy and natural for me to keep mistakes in proper perspective…”
>> “Life isn’t always fair, so I don’t expect it to be…” and
>> “I believe in tending to situations before they become problems…”
You have to understand a bit of your own psychology before you can craft the really effective ones: you need to know what you fear specifically so you can address that specifically, and you need to know how other (successful) people think about it so you can learn that too. (Like anything else, this is a skill you learn overtime.)
Also, another related problem people have is being too damn wordy. Simply put, when it comes to the subconscious, “less is more,” so follow William Strunk’s advice and OMIT ALL NEEDLESS WORDS. This is not where you show off your skills and get mega-deep – it’s where you come to understand your real frustrations and address them directly and compassionately…
Mistake #3: Not speaking with EMOTION…
And lastly, as you can see by now, the subconscious mind hears emotions, not logic. So if you want your affirmations to work, you have to speak to it in an emotional way.
Emotions are what drive us: emotions make things real and get us involved. Emotions are why certain movies, books and people are more appealing then others, and emotions are why certain affirmations are more believable then some of the ones you may be using now. So say them like you mean them. Say them as if they’re values and convictions you actually hold and watch them become values and convictions you actually act UPON.
Thanks for checking this out. For a free manual I put together on affirmations (with an in-depth method, sample affirmations and more) download this (it’s old, but still good), and to check out that guided audio program, click here. (Don’t worry, you don’t need to know a thing about affirmations to use these correctly, because they make the entire process VIRTUALLY AUTOMATIC.)
Like you’ll hear me say countless times, this is the #1 tool I use DAILY to stay motivated, disciplined, focused and ON-POINT, so do yourself a favor a take a second to check it out now…