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BEAUTY BEGETS LOVE: Relationship Advice from Guest Blogger Genially Green Earth

2 August 2011 4 Comments

african american couple painting

genially green earthToday’s entry is a special post on relationships by guest blogger Genially Green Earth (All Rights Reserved). You can check her out on Facebook for more…”


“BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.” When we think of this quote we mostly identify it with the physical attributes of a woman or a work of art. Something that says, “beauty is not defined the same by everyone.”

Still, all too often we see beauty as an external gauge of physical attractiveness defined by others, never ourselves. “BEAUTY” is that something that’s not for everyone or everything…a title reserved only for the highest of high, up there with words like glamorous and extravagant, somewhere above most average beings and things.

So I Ask You: Are You Beautiful?

african american woman looking in mirror“Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder,” we also know this means beauty is not just skin deep, but even more than that this quote relates to an understanding that should be taken internally and exuded from one’s entire being. It challenges us to not be so judgmental of what we consider less than beautiful. To instead accept a person or thing for what it is and try to identify with its true value.

We can’t try to change it to fit our idea of ideal or our image of imagination. Instead we must (or at least try to) recognize that we and that thing, that less than beautiful thing, have something truly in common. It challenges us to humbly recognize the beauty and greatness in ourselves, all people, relationships, and events in life. This quote challenges us all to be honestly human in all our imperfections and grace.

Am I Talking To Broad For You? Let me make it personal…

You know how it is, the spring rolls in and every single man or woman out there OR unhappily committed lover (creepin’ you kno’) goes out looking for that “spring fling,” that “summer love!” That hottie with the banging body. That man with the G-stance. That seasonal satisfaction! AooWW! Looking for someone to love, someone to love them back too!

Yet the catch is…For what reason do we choose these seasonal sensations?

starfish at beachIs it because that spring fling fills that empty space inside with summery love and good feeling? Or is it because we recognize the beauty within that person and would love to help them manifest that beauty tenfold?

Now, be honest…you never thought of that second option until you just read it.

african american woman sleepingDon’t worry it’s not uncommon. I say, how could you recognize the beauty within another if you haven’t seen it within yourself. When you close your eyes and look in the mirror of your mind, do you see beauty? Do you see perfection? Do you envision the best version of self that you have to offer the world at this given time? Do you see someone worthy of Mr. or Mrs. Right? Do you see someone you’re in love with, someone you’re dedicated to? (umm, just a hint, that someone should be you)

Sounds just a bit crazy, I know. Thinking to yourself and saying “Gee, I love me, I’m so beautiful!” (and following up with a good mental hug). I know it sounds egotistical. Maybe the mental hug is a bit much, okay…But, really sit for a moment and think about it, imagine yourself at your highest of heights in every regard, what do you see?

Are you someone with a fulfilling occupation, the car of your dreams, dream house, with the loveliest guy or girl, and in a passion filled, loving and honest relationship? Probably not, I’m talking about La-La-Land for most people. Know why?

Because most people don’t even strive for half of that, let alone
think to obtain it. Just like beauty is something for the highest of high
we think healthy and loving relationships are too.

Most People Will Tell You:

diagram of relationship beliefs

Are you getting a visual here? We accept these ideas as truth because we’ve convinced ourselves that all the beauty in life is non-existent. That beauty doesn’t resonate from within, but instead is gauged from how others view us and our accomplishments.

We’ve done this by convincing ourselves that we are not beautiful, we are undeserving of greatness, that we are not capable of having those truly loving and honest relationships. You know the ones you see on TV? Or better yet the ones that you know of personally, but still say “Well who knows what’s REALLY going on at their house? Mmmhhmmm”

So What Happens Then?

WE SETTLE! We settle on unloving and superficial relationships that reflect our internal environment (not on purpose of course). We do this because those relationships make us feel and think that the way we live is quite okay, “Hey, How messed up can I really be if I found someone? I’m good!”

We settle on relationships that distract us from our own weaknesses. We settle on spewing spitfire at our counterparts when they don’t fulfill us the way we expected them to ( Remember “Every healthy relationship has arguments.”) We settle on looking for external sources of fulfillment instead of starting the loving process from within. (You know that hottie with the bangin’ body feeds your ego something real good!) We settle on obtaining crutches in life to mask our own inequalities.

We settle on blaming others and the world for why our love life doesn’t work…

“It’s because of you that I ___________ !!!”(insert your recent life’s drama here).

“It’s your fault that I _____________!!!” (insert your unfulfilled dreams here).

In reality it’s not anyone’s fault: you’re to blame for your lack of self-love. You’re responsible for not looking at your counterpart and seeing them for all their inequalities, all their imperfections and still out of humble understanding (love), appreciating their undeniable BEAUTY.

But who wants to do that right? We’re looking for instant gratification! Perfection from the start! Well you know what? You got it! You just have to learn how to recognize it and accept it for what it is.

african american coupleThat man or woman that you are working day and night to change is as perfect as they’ll ever be the day you met them, because that is them as natural as can be. There is no beauty above natural beauty.

SELF LOVE must be the first love…

Behold the Beauty within so that you can accurately recognize the beauty in others.

Self Love must be unconditional, unmatched and never undermined by the external world.

You cannot expect anyone you meet to fill in the blanks of your soul. You have to learn how to truly look at yourself through loving eyes before you even think about asking another to love you. That is when those voids dissipate, that is when you begin to welcome healthy loving relationships into your life. That is when you behold true beauty.

If you can’t live with yourself, how in the world can you ask someone else to?

You have to start the loving process from within. Recognize yourself as true beauty – always a work in progress – but a beautiful process at that. In that way when you go out next spring, looking for your summer love, you’ll be attracting a healthy and whole love and not just someone to fill your vacant heart. You’ll be able to create that passionate love folks sing about. It will be purely…beautiful.”

Queen Genially Green Earth
All Rights Reserved.

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  • Ayabah Powerful Reflection said:

    Peace to the Queen, beautifully put. Gives much to consider… Keep building and shining that light. 12 u!! 11 yabii

  • Sepia Prince said:

    I have to give the credit and props for going into my mind and pulling out the back-story that I used to subscribe to. There was a time when I used to utter phrases like “It’s because of you that I ___________ !!!” and pass the buck of my hang-ups. Those days are long gone but this piece is right on time because there is certainly someone out there who needs to hear this powerful word-sound. Give thanks…

  • Beautiful SeeAsia said:

    As a representation of what “beauty” is and entitled with this attribute for almost 14 years now, I would know even through all personal ugliness that yes! “you’ll be able to create passionate love folks sing about. It will be purely beautiful.” – starting with recognizing the love within yourself beheld. Powerful build sis. I love it including the cute diagrams :-)

  • Bryan Ogilvie (author) said:

    Yeah. I was amazed when I saw the first draft…this has a lot of levels it applies to, as well. Sometimes, even when you’re aware of this kind of thing, it still finds a way to play out at a deeper, more subtle level.

    Much thanks to the Queen for looking out like this. She saved me a lot of time and energy.

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