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How to Develop Bravery pt.3: How to CONSCIOUSLY Cultivate Courage…

29 September 2010 No Comment


So tonight at 6pm est. will be the live broadcast of The Issue & Status of MANHOOD in this Day & Age (a SOLUTION-ORIENTED Group Disccusion), and in line with that, here’s a little bit more about courage…

The Way of the Superior Man by David DeidaAlso, the recommended scroll for tonight’s call is “The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire” by David Deida which I first spoke about in my first blog article about women.

But here’s something I sent over the email list earlier this weekend. It was a pretty thorough build, so I decided to post it again here:

When you sign up for the email newsletter, you get TWO FULL CHAPTERS from my upcoming book by the way, for free. Look in the right sidebar…

how to become more courageous african americans

———— From the Email Newsletter ————

There’s a quote by Lao Tzu that goes, “Care for other’s approval and you become their PRISONER…

bill cosby on courageThere’s also a quote by Bill Cosby that goes, “I don’t know what the secret of success is, but the secret to failure is trying to please everyone…

So I think the first thing here is to STOP SEEKING APPROVAL, because it’s the main, default social behavior that prevents us from developing a more courageous stance towards the world.

Before we even get into bravery, I want to remind you that you do not need to cross off anybody’s check list, so if it applies, stop interacting with people like you’re looking for them to give you a job…

Remember that in all of your interactions, YOU’RE the one with the value to give and that you should ENJOY the process of giving that value away.

how to be a courageous avatarRemember that you’re not here to ask anybody for anything – you’re a unique human being (an Avatar in your own right) just being who you authentically are and feeding others with that energy…

Even if you technically DID need to ask for something, you’d just come straightforward and ask, right? I think we all get turned off at the idea of compromising ourselves…

But the thing is, we all do this to some degree or another – just about everyone withholds their ideas, modifies their statements or alters their behavior to suit what they THINK the other person is thinking.

If you’re really honest about this, you’ll catch yourself in all types of situations…having the thought, “I didn’t want her to think __,” is a big hint. (This is strongly related to things like writer’s block and other creative inhibitions, mind you.)

courageous and writer's block for black women

People who seek approval come off as NEEDY and DESPERATE…generally, they want your approval because they want something from YOU.

———— How Does this Even Relate??? ————

So…how does this relate to bravery??? Well, the thing is, when you force yourself to be the center of value (to be “the Sun and not the Planet”), you automatically develop courage in your own ideas…

5% mathematicsIN ORDER to give authentically to others, you have to be courageous (and eventually, skillful) about it, so I’m just saying you can use social dynamics with this intent.

Whenever I go out, I test run concepts for the blog on complete strangers and get all types of responses, so it’s fun. (Usually my concepts are waaaay out there at first.)

young people talking on bench>> It lets me have more interesting conversations,
>> it lets me know who I’d like to establish a connection with, and
>> (most importantly) IT LETS ME BE WHO I AM….

When I first started the website in 2007/2008, I used to keep all my ideas to myself (except for a few “conscious” friends), so:

>> I had a computer FULL of crazy, dope ideas that weren’t going

>> I had an identity-conflict between who I was at home and who I was in the real world, and

>> I had NO fun when I went out because I felt like everybody was “asleep.”

black man thinking and eating an apple

Really, I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS ASLEEP because I was denying my own value. (What we think about others is often a mirror of ourselves like that…it’s deep.)

I complained that most people never talked about anything real, but I was the one too cowardly to bring those subjects up (with anyone outside “the crew”), even though I was the one with the knowledge needed to do so…it was completely hypocritical.

how to use your brain to develop braveryNow when I go out, I KNOW I’m going to be “that guy” who “hit somebody with a jewel,” gave them an opportunity to “build on something real” or reminded them of an old friend they miss who “used to be into that kind of stuff…”

Of course, I get awkward responses still, but it’s nothing along the lines of what I was afraid of, and the communication skills help alot…

Some key phrases are:

Have you ever heard of…

In my opinion…

I’m not sure if you’re into this kind of thing, but…

…so on and so forth. Remember to see any negative response you get as FEEDBACK that’ll show you how to better share your ideas in the future.

using social dynamics to develop courage

So since transcending the need for approval REQUIRES you to become brave, you can consciously go about that whole process.

I had to WAIT until I got more confident to start sharing (I used to try to hide the fact that I read and all that…it was terrible) but I’m telling you now, you don’t have to be, because there’s nothing but rewards on the other side…

consciously cultivating courage for black people

Thanks for reading…click here for more on the Blog Talk Radio show


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