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CHOOSE A WOMAN WHO CHOOSES YOU: Relationship & Dating Advice for Men

17 August 2011 3 Comments

african american couple cuddling

Here’s an excerpt from one of my favorite books, The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. I was reviewing it last night and this particular passage stood out to me.

As you’re reading, remember that everything happens for a reason, and that we learn most from our losses, not our gains.

Choose a Woman Who Chooses YOU:

david deida way of the superior manIf a man wants a woman who doesn’t want him, he cannot win. His neediness will undermine any possible relationship, and his woman will never be able to trust him.

A man must determine whether a woman really wants him but is playing hard to get, or whether she really doesn’t want him. If she doesn’t, he should IMMEDIATELY cease pursuing her and deal with his pain by himself.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you want to be with a woman but she doesn’t want to be with you, you must speak with your friends. Ask them to be honest with you: ask them if they think this woman really does want to be with you, or if she really doesn’t.

If your friends honestly tell you that this woman doesn’t want to be with you, it is over. You cannot enjoy a good relationship with her, even if she changes her mind. Once she feels your neediness, once she feels that you need her more than she needs you, she will never trust your masculine core.

The Priority of the Masculine Core:

The priority of the masculine core is mission, purpose and direction in life. The priority of the feminine core is the flow of love in intimacy.

If a woman feels your feminine is stronger than hers – if she feels that the intimacy is more important to you than to her – then she’ll naturally animate her masculine: she’ll want space, she’ll want freedom to pursue her own direction and she’ll be repulsed by your clinginess…

african american couple

You are only punishing yourself when you want to be in a relationship with a woman more than she wants to be in a relationship with you. Of course, you must discriminate between whether she’s playing “hard to get” or whether she’s genuinely not as interested as you are. This is why you should ask your friends (and even her friends).

If it turns out that she really doesn’t want to be with you as much as you want to be with her, then it is time to realize that the relationship won’t work. In such a case, the poles have become reversed, with your feminine desire for love meeting her masculine desire for freedom.

This is not viable grounds for intimacy: it iss better to move on and work with your hurt than it is to continue demonstrating that your feminine desire is stronger than hers.



  • Sepia Prince said:

    Nodding my nodder, emphatically. Dopeness!

  • Bryan Ogilvie (author) said:

    Thanks Brother…I like how he focused on MOVING FORWARD, completely, and not dwelling on lost opportunities, because even the feeling of regret is attachment. Even thinking to yourself, “Damn, I messed that one up” is like residual infatuation.

    I guess the biggest thing is freeing your heart up for women in your future, as you come out of resolving your own pain and emotional scars.

  • Bre said:

    Wow! I have to get that book. He makes some great points

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