Below is an excerpt from Find Your Focus Zone: An Effective New Plan to Defeat Distraction & Overload by Lucy Jo Palladino – one of the main research text I used for Conquer Yourself that I’m still reading now for my own personal foundation…

I’m at a part now where she’s building on anger: how we’re out of our focus zone (that state of flow of deep engagement with a particular task) whenever we experience anger, frustration and rage, and how those emotions are really just manifestations of fear.

I definitely agree. From my own experience – both in myself and in other people – I’ve noticed that anger is usually just a cover up to disguise vulnerability.

I’ve noticed that whenever I’d feel emotionally hurt (or afraid that I was going to be emotionally hurt), I’d use anger as a tactic to intimidate the other person…that way they’d never get to see that they have the power over me to make me feel that way.

“To stop anger from recurring, face the threat that triggered the fight-or-flight response in the first place, because anger is just fear in disguise.

At work, fear usually has to do with loss of money, time, status, respect or security. Suppose your boss goes forward with a project that you don’t agree with, and you’re mad. Underneath, you may be afraid that:

>> You’ll work hard but won’t get your bonus,
>> You’re going to have to work a lot of Saturdays,
>> You’ve lost a rung on the political ladder at the office,
>> Your expertise isn’t valued as it once was or should be, or
>> They’re getting ready to outsource your job.

Deep down, angry parents fear for their child’s welfare. They’re usually afraid that:

>> Something harmful will happen to their child,
>> Something undiagnosed is wrong with their child,
>> Their child’s not going to be successful,
>> Their child won’t be treated fairly, or
>> They’re making mistakes as parents.

Angry couples usually fear abandonment, entrapment or rejection. They’re usually afraid that:

>> Their significant other is going to leave or betray them,
>> They’re going to be stuck in a relationship that doesn’t meet their needs, or
>> Their significant other doesn’t want them as much as they want their significant other.

Kids who are angry at their parents are usually afraid of being controlled, but when they’re angry at peers it’s because they fear rejection, humiliation or loss of status….remember that adolescents are constantly establishing a pecking order for popularity or dating, fear of embarrassment underlies a lot of their anger.

Uncovering the fear gets your brain’s CEO (the logical part) back in charge. As soon as you give your fear a name, your amygdala (the emotional part) starts to let go, and you can then re-engage the newer, front part of your brain (what’s called the “pre-frontal lobe”).

Unlike the amygdala, your brain’s CEO sees the source of your fear as a problem to be solved, NOT a life threatening event…”

I’ll share more from that section tomorrow, but know it’s a lot like what we outlined in the post on “Healthy Selfishness.” Check that out now for more…

Personally, I feel that almost none of our fears have nothing to do with other people trying to manipulate or take advantage of us, they really come from us not being confident enough to stand up for ourselves.

Since the media perpetuates conditions us with images of conflict and drama, we falsely project those dynamics onto our social interactions, when the reality is that most people are just doing the best they can to live a good life, and the conflicts we experience almost always come from simple misunderstandings.

“Our brains were not made to constantly process streaming close-ups of murders, accidents, suicide bombers, disease victims and guerilla warfare attacks… (so) we need strategies to protect ourselves from this larger-than-life, all-the-time adrenaline, digital age of fear.” ~ Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD.

Therefore, we can conquer our fears, build healthy relationships with other people and take back control of our lives once we have the self-esteem to be transparent and honest with other people about where we’re at and what we’re feeling…

Peace,
+B





>> Lucy’s website for the book “Find Your Focus Zone.”
>> Healthy Selfishness: Getting the Treatment You Deserve WITHOUT Feeling Guilty
>> The Conquer Yourself Series (Sessions 1-5)
>> Why Don’t We Use Our Brains? Are You REALLY Thinking for Yourself???
>> Mind Manipulation in Modern Day Advertising
>> Check out more of Thien Bao’s work on DeviantArt.com (he did the image of the woman clasping her throat above).

p.s: I’ve been getting a lot of weird comments on the blog recently…things that look spam but are difficult to tell.

So if you’d like to leave a comment (which I’d love, by the way) please use a realistic name (aliases are cool, but things like “Free Debt Recovery Now!” aren’t.)

Make sure the comment actually relates to the post (and isn’t just a vague message like “nice blog”)…this way I know you’re not just saying anything on my site to bring people over to your own.

Stay wise…