Here’s How to BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM: Start By…
Giving Yourself Props, Not Disses
…because “Language determines what we think, and shapes the ways in which we think about it.” (by Benjamin Lee Whorf. Note that this is a continuation from yesterday’s science.)
Realize that if you’re like most people, you already have a significant degree of health, more than a fair amount of success and a few great relationships in your life AS IT IS RIGHT NOW.
So while it’s in our nature to seek to improve, and while our society conditions us to focus on lack (because it creates better consumers), at some point, you have to train your mind to go against this trend.
2 Great Examples
Start by being grateful for everything you have, and by congratulating yourself for what you’ve accomplished so far. For instance, most people in the world TODAY have to walk three miles to find clean water, and if you know you’re going to have something to eat again today, you’re one of lucky ones.
Everything from air conditioning/heat and not having to breathe in pollution all the time to a wardrobe and a phone (any kind of phone, mind you) is virtual proof that your wealthy…historically speaking, you live beyond the means of a royal King.
I don’t mean to ramble on here or get all social-activist on you, I just want you to keep things in perspective.
If you can’t realize that you’re already rich, watch this video – it’ll convince you. In fact, even if you do agree with me, watch it anyway…it’s that good:
Similarly, stop underplaying your accomplishments. Take a second to overview everything you’ve achieved in the last 6 or 7 years and realize that you’ve already have done some impressive things…you’re just not giving yourself proper respect for it.
Here’s the Basic Science:
A) Whenever you feel bad about something you don’t have, think of something you DO have.
B) Whenever you feel bad about something you haven’t done, think about something you HAVE done, and
C) Instead of thinking about things that are absent, start thinking about things that are PRESENT. This is what puts you in a mental and emotional state conducive to attaining more.
Further, see yourself as an advancing presence in all ways. Interpret everything through a lens of expansion, abundance, greatness and good. Hold the mindset of growth and be biased in favor of it at all times. Say things like:
>> “I’m creating a greater life for myself and enjoying the challenge,”
>> “Such and such didn’t work out for me, but it’s okay…I’m making room for better things now,”
>> “Everything always turns out for the best anyway…every dark cloud has a silver lining,” and so on.
My house was robbed (twice) when I was young…want to know the first thing my older brother said to me when it happened???
“Don’t worry, we’re going to get bigger and better stuff soon. I promise…“
So follow his lead: think of yourself in ways that build you up, and think of your challenges in ways that create opportunity for you…
Level 2: See Yourself as Someone w/ “Change-Capacity”
This is extremely important: remember, once you’re in the habit of thinking a certain way, your SELF-IMAGE gets tied-up in that framework (as in, “I’m someone with problem-x) and at that point, NOTHING will help you.
However, when you see everything as habit – how you think and how you behave as a result of how you’ve been conditioning yourself – you become empowered to turn things around, because you envision yourself as someone with the capacity for change.
Realizing this is like going from a mere animal to a full human – it’s realizing that you have a special type of God-power over your apparent nature. It’s really a fundamental change in self-identification…
I put a facebook status up the other day saying:
“People who’ve made the choice to be negative about everything are usually playing out a drama that’s beyond what I’m interested in addressing and probably beyond the power of my writing to change…”
And in Recommended Scrolls, my friend El said:
“Self-pity is a self-defeating mechanism, because once you reach that point, you interpret EVERYTHING from that framework…”
I’m very serious about this: if you don’t believe you have the capacity to change yourself – if you don’t believe you have that transformative power at some level at all – stop reading this blog.
Now that you understand that your thoughts are just that…THOUGHTS (which validate themselves only through force of habit), you now also understand that YOU HAVE A CHOICE: you can either mire in your situation or choose to transcend it.
Accept this and take responsibility for either advancing yourself or staying stagnant. Just be an adult and make a conscious decision.
Remember, we all have a fundamental essence of willpower inside of us, no matter what our situation is (if you don’t believe this, read Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl). I don’t care what you’re issue is, you can get over it – at least on the emotional level we’re talking about here.
Here’s one more quote from my post “Some Thoughts on Depression” :
“The main idea I want to get across to you is that even though it doesn’t feel like it, you’re the one calling the shots: you can either work on being happy and learn what that’s like or you can work on being depressed and continue to be where you’ve been…It’s work either way, and you have the power to make that choice…”
All of the experts say the same thing – even the healing process for clinical depression begins with the client making a conscious choice to become a happier person.
So what will you be, the victim or the “sole-controller”? Will you choose to envision yourself as someone enslaved to their situation or someone with the capacity for change? I think the answer is obvious…
Use Affirmations Like You’re Life Depends On It…Because IT DOES
….more tomorrow. If you haven’t already, check out the first two installments from this series earlier this week. Also, you can find out about a great tool I use to virtually automate this process by clicking below
Professional Behavior Modification @ Home.