K.I.S.S: Key Ideas for Self-Development Simplicity, pt. 2
(NOTE: This is a continuation of yesterday’s post, which you should read first.)
Key Idea #2: Roll Dolo from State to State
There’s this scene in the movie Belly where Method Man’s character is in Nebraska, and when the drug lords ask him why he’s by himself he says: “I roll dolo from state to state!!! Word up…”
…laughing with a big smile on his face, completely comfortable as if there’s nothing awkward about the idea.
So whereas he meant he moved from state to state physically, when it comes to personal growth, you’re moving from state to state mentally, and you’re doing it BY YOURSELF. (That’s why it’s called “personal” growth…deep, right?)
The path of developing as a person is essentially an introverted process: it’s an introvert’s game that requires skill and comfort in an introvert’s way of life.
If you think about it, whenever someone goes to a counselor, a spiritual guru, a psychiatrist or whatever, what do they encourage them to do? Right! They tell them to be more introverted.
They ask them questions about WHY they did what they did and what certain events in their past MEAN to them. They tell them to do things like journal, pray, meditate, etc. etc.
Since self-development is simply the constructive use of your introverted tendencies, the key idea here is to re-orient your thinking to realize introversion as a positive thing. Let me prove it to you:
Self-Development Requires Self-Direction
I remember reading something somewhere that said, “While extroverts are better at thriving in a social context, introverts are better at making choices and decisions for themselves and finding their own direction in life.”
So your choice to grow as a person is a path you made for yourself that places you AGAINST THE GRAIN: the reason there isn’t a lot around to support that drive is because there aren’t a lot of people around to even detect you on that frequency.
A friend told me yesterday that her favorite line in the post about conquering social anxiety was, “…you and I are both introverts: the 25% of the population that doesn’t get catered to by social customs.”
You have to remember this, and you have to remember that because your mind is in a different space, you can’t just communicate everything about it’s progress openly. The other thing is that…
You’re Friends Won’t Change, But YOU’LL Change Friends
>> develop new habits and productivity skills for your goals,
>> start eating healthier on a daily basis,
>> stop wasting money on things you no longer enjoy,
>> create deeper bonds with “deeper” kind of people,
…if you wanted to do all that AND keep your same friends, you’d have to convince them to all get on the same page with you at the same time (and relatively at the same pace), which is a statistical impossibility.
When I was young I used to change friend groups constantly.
I remember being in elementary school and having friends that were SERIOUSLY into video games and Japanese anime…I mean have the latest issue of Game Informer magazine out on the table during lunch.
So around 5th/6th grade, when I started noticing girls more (and they started noticing me), something clicked in my mind and said, “Bryan…this isn’t going to work.”
You ever have one of those moments where you zoom out and see the game a group of people are playing? It was like a flash of insight from Holy Black Jesus that came and said:
“This is the script their choosing to live out…it doesn’t matter if they’re missing out on other good things, because this is where they get their meaning from.”
The interesting thing about self-deception and self-limitation is that it’s not just a personal phenomenon: we deceive ourselves not just individually, but in our relationships, in our families, as communities and as entire nations as well.
When people come together in groups, they form a collective psyche analogous to the individual one, so the blocks and limitations we experience in our own thinking are a metaphor for the blocks and limitations we experience when we operate as a whole.
But someone who’s developing is someone who’s always challenging the perimeter of their consciousness, so you have to accept that that doesn’t work out to well in group settings.
I stopped kicking it with my video-game friends meet guys who would engage with girls, and then I eventually stopped kicking it with THEM to meet guys who were less danger-prone (not the street type so much).
THEN I went away to school and had a musical peer-group that transferred into an activist peer-group, etc. etc. ad infinitum to this day.
In case you’re wondering, the REAL friends always stay with you, and meet you at that developed point later on from their own paths…
Just remember, you’re rolling dollo from state to state, and forming new relationships is a vital part of that navigation.