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On Overcoming Loneliness, Poor Relationship Choices and More…

5 July 2011 No Comment

african american teenage boy alone

In Friday’s post I talked a lot about introversion: about how self-development is essentially an introverted process and EXPECTING yourself to eventually part with your current friends in order to grow and excel.

So learning how to handle loneliness is a big part of that of course, and it’s also something that’ll help you out TREMENDOUSLY in relationships.

A lot of people end up in unhappy, less-then-ideal relationship scenarios simply because they were unable to handle being alone. They settle for someone who doesn’t treat them like they deserve or rush into something with somebody incompatible because they can’t tolerate the emotional solitude that being single creates (even if you are casually dating).

Blaise Pascal, the French mathematician, once said, “All of man’s miseries stem from his inability to sit in a room by himself…”

Warren Buffet, the leading investment thinker, also once said, “My idea of a group decision is to look in the mirror…”

So here’s a key insight to help you avoid those miseries, get more comfortable coming to those types of group decisions and simply be okay during those times when you have to “roll dolo from state to state.”

The Difference Between Loneliness & Solitude

african american woman aloneThe difference between loneliness and solitude is knowing that having other people around you doesn’t VALIDATE you as a human being.

Whether anybody agrees with your way of life doesn’t change how intelligent you are…it doesn’t change how funny you are and it doesn’t change anything about you period.

It’s not even a validation of whether or not your ideas are valid, because all great ideas are DEVELOPED over time.

Now of course, we all need people: no man is an island unto himself and there’s no point in trying to live in a vacuum, but I believe that there are certain key times in our lives when we have to embrace solitude in order to become someone greater. (If you check out Friday’s post about self-development, you’ll learn how growing as a person sometimes requires us to play an introverted game.)

For instance, I’ve been online since 2007 (click here to see some of my early work) and it’s only NOW that I have people checking it out that I’m not already friends with (as in actual, pure readers that don’t know me).

That’s damn near 5 years of developing this baby until it got into it’s present form. In fact, when I first started this site, some of my friends accused me of being selfish for spending so much of my free time getting it all together…

Most People Don’t See

woman resting her feet up outdoorsMost people don’t see the tree inside of a seed. Most people don’t see the grown man inside of a baby infant or the fortune to be made in a simple idea.

Most people just see the single seed, the cute kid or the silly concept, ignore it and go about their day. In my post on settling for less then the best you deserve, I said:

Technically, unless you have NO family and NO friends, you’re not really alone, even though you feel like it now…you FEEL alone because you believe somebody else is needed to VALIDATE you.

Part of our drive for a romantic relationship stems from the idea that unless we have something romantic going on, our lives are incomplete or, even worse, that we’re incomplete as a human being.…

We assume that if somebody’s single (especially as we get older), it’s BECAUSE something is wrong with them, not because they’re working on themselves, being patient for something truly worth the investment, or anything else, which is a messed up way to look at it.

If you realize any of this thinking in yourself (because I still realize some of it in me, even to this day), the thing to remember is that regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not, you’re still the same great person.

ESPECIALLY keep this line of thought somewhere in your register as you go about this self-development, inner-growth and goal-setting thing. You are YOU, and you don’t need anyone around you to change or validate that inherent value you have.

Also check out the blog posts on settling for less then what you deserve, how to step outside of your comfort zone and being ahead of your time and not letting other people slow you down for more…


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