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STOP SETTLING For Less Then THE BEST You Deserve…

25 April 2011 No Comment

african american woman thinking in field

One of the things we do in relationships – one of the things I find myself doing over and over again, including RIGHT NOW) is settling for less then the best we deserve.



Partly out of compassion for the other person, partly out of our own ignorance, we act like human crutches, while at the same time cutting ourselves off from what we know we’re worth…



For example, let’s say that you know you’re capable of a “Level 7″ relationship – you know what you’re ready to giving and you know what you should be receiving for it (in a very objective and mature sense) – but you’re currently in a Level 3 relationship instead.






There’s a good chance that your subconsciously thinking, “Since no Level 7 situation is available to me now, it’s okay for me to settle and just marinate here for the time being, so at least I have SOMETHING…until I see a possible Level 7 unfolding with somebody else elsewhere.”


NOTE: I’m using the term “Level 7″ and “Level 3″ to refer to the quality of THE RELATIONSHIP, not the quality of the people involved. We’re all equal here of course: just because someone’s not good at a relationship doesn’t mean they’re not good as a person…it just means they’re not at that place right now.




The Problem With This

african american male sad hugging tree…is that you don’t see the Level 3 for what it’s actually doing: DRAINING you. Being in a relationship of any sort takes too much away from you (mentally and emotionally) to fully be there for the possible 7.



You can’t engage with a Level 7 person if your tank is only half full. Giving so much to a Level 3 (when you should already know better) makes it impossible to be present with a 7 like you need to be.



So why won’t you let go of that Level 3 person??? Probably because of the scary “L” word….LONELY. So let’s talk about that for a second.







On Overcoming Loneliness

Loneliness (and the fear of loneliness) is a heavy subject, so of course we won’t be able to “go in” like that here, but I’m mentioning it quickly because it’s so tied in with subject of settling.



Feeling alone is a very real emotion – it sucks, and I know because I know it first hand – but we feel alone because of a very subjective thing…our own mistaken thought process.


african american female sad thinking



Technically, unless you have NO family and NO friends, you’re not really alone, but that’s not the mistaken thought process I’m talking about. On a deeper note, you feel alone when you don’t have someone else because you believe somebody else VALIDATES you.



Part of our drive for a romantic relationship stems from the idea that unless we have something romantic going on, our lives are incomplete or, even worse, we’re incomplete as a human being.…we assume that if somebody’s single, it’s BECAUSE something is wrong with them, not because they’re working on themselves, being patient for something truly worth the investment, or anything else, which is a messed up way to look at it.



If you realize any of this thinking in yourself (because I still realize some of it in me, even to this day), the thing to remember is that regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not, you’re still the same person.



happy african american male smilingWhether you have someone in your life or not, you’re just as smart, just as funny, just as honorable and just as important as you’ve always been, and you’re guaranteed to attract someone because of that, not to make you that way in the first place.



So I guess that’s good for now. Again, overcoming loneliness is a serious subject, so I’ll consider blogging more about this in the near future. For now, let me know you’re thoughts on this: What part of this post stood out to you the most? What’s helped you to overcome loneliness in the past???



Peace,
+B



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